Crumbling
by D-Square
Summary: Shepard's world slowly crumbles around him as Ashley leaves him on Horizon. Miranda comforts Shepard who is in turmoil with losing the woman he loves, and dealing with the Collectors. Shep/Miri ship.
1. Chapter 1

A new story about Commander Shepard and his relationship with Operative Miranda Lawson. Review and favorite the story and if you especially enjoy it please favorite me and check out my works. Enjoy. First chapter takes place on Horizon.

Chapter 1: A World Shattered

Commander Eli Shepard saw her. The woman he cared for more than humanity itself was before him. He ran a hand, awkwardly, through his dark hair. He didn't know what to say. "Hey how's it going?" No. He'd been dead for two years. Casual or even romantic greetings were out the window. Yet here she was coming toward him. Ashley looked stunned. As if a ghost from her past was haunting her. She stood a foot from Shepard, wondering if it was a dream.

"Hey," was all the commander offered as he stared at the ground.

She rushed forward and embraced him. The man she loved was alive. The reports were true. He was alive. But if the reports were true then that meant that he was with Cerberus too. She gently pushed away.

"Hey?" she said, sadly, "Two years dead and that's all you can say to me? How about I'm sorry?"

Shepard shuffled his feet in embarrassment. It had been two years for her and only a month or two for him.

"Ash, I'm sorry. I truly am, but things… got complicated fast. I wanted to contact you…"

"Then why didn't you?" she pressed. Her arms crossed and her face was filled with hurt.

"I… I'm on a mission," he said dumbly.

"Of course," she said, "And if you're alive that means you're also with Cerberus."

"Yeah, for now anyway, while we fight the Collectors."

"I… I can't believe this!" she yelled.

Garrus and Miranda stood behind Shepard watching the scene unfold. Garrus was, at first, happy to see an old comrade but now she was ripping into Shepard with an intent to hurt.

"I loved you, Shepard! Why would you turn your back on the Alliance?" she asked harshly.

"Because they turned their backs on me!" Shepard shouted his voice filled with hurt.

This took Ashley off guard. She went silent. Shepard's two allies stood beside Shepard now. Their commander's face staring at the ground again.

"Ashley, Cerberus helped him. And what did the Alliance do?" Garrus said angrily, "Nothing. Now when humanity needs help the most they still do nothing. Cerberus is right here…. And you know it. Shepard is only trying to help."

"I'm surprised Garrus," Ashley said, "I thought you would be the last to join up with THEM. Especially since they want to dominate every species in the galaxy."

"My loyalties lie with Shepard, Williams," the turian spat, "If you were his friend you'd know that he is trying to what is right."

Ashley glared at Garrus. She looked at Shepard who hid his emotions behind a well-built mask.

"I'll file a report to the Alliance AND the council. Let them decide if your story is true or not," she said.

"Come with us, Ash," Shepard said looking into her eyes, "I could use someone I trust. It'll be just like old times."

Ashley felt tempted to take the offer. To protect the man she still had feelings for. To make sure Cerberus wouldn't hurt him because deep down she knew him. She knew he was telling the truth. She shook her head.

"No," she said, "I can't follow you. I can't accept that you're with Cerberus. I can't… trust them. And it scares me that you do. No, Skip- Shepard."

She turned to leave but hesitated. Desiring them to be together. To patch their relationship and be happy. But she knew that that wasn't possible. Not now.

"Just… be careful, Shepard."

And with that she was gone. Took a shuttle to rendezvous with the Alliance. Shepard spoke into his comm. Angry and hurt he said, "Joker, send the shuttle. I've had enough of this colony."

"Right away sir, ETA ten minutes."

Miranda silently had watched Shepard through the whole event. She felt a pang of sadness for him. She had seen him do his best to keep his emotions in check but she knew he was in pain. His eyes had given it all away.

"Shepard?" she said touching his shoulder.

He retreated from the touch, shaking his head, never making eye contact. He went to a crate and sat. Garrus was checking the perimeter. Miranda kneeled before Shepard and saw that he was wiping away his eyes.

"Shepard… I…" she began.

"Stop. You don't have to say anything," he interrupted.

"I'm sorry," she said watching him.

"It's just… I… I don't know," he said.

"What?"

"Ashley and I… we were… we were close and I… thought that our relationship was stronger than that," he whispered never looking her in the eye.

"I understand," she said.

"I doubt it," he said.

That hurt her. She understood though. Just him admitting to believing that he and Ashley's bond was strong was a surprising show of trust. They both still didn't trust one another with much. She yearned to say something, anything. The pain written all over his face made her feel for him.

"I…" she said but stopped.

"Forget it," he muttered and walked off to wait for the shuttle by himself.

Miranda watched him walk off. His strong and commanding presence was gone. His world was shattered. She watched him slump against a building and slide to the ground in defeat. His face buried in his hands. She sighed, hoping he would be okay. For his sake and humanity's.

A/N: If you want more please review and let me know


	2. Chapter 2

This takes place aboard the Normandy roughly two hours after the events on Horizon. Please review and enjoy. Be sure to favorite me as your support means so much.

Chapter 2: Drinking Away Sadness

The crew had seen him only briefly after he arrived. The salutes went ignored and friendly hellos were greeted with only silence. Shepard sat in his quarters. The bed feeling less than comfortable, Shepard paced his cabin. He was done crying. If you could call a couple tears real crying that is. He paced faster as his anger rose.

"I thought I meant something to you!" he shouted at the picture of Ashley on his desk.

The picture only stared back. A frozen moment in time of her happy and beautiful smile. Shepard stared at it.

"I loved you Ash," he whispered through gritted teeth.

He punched the desk. His knuckles immediately bruised from the force of the blow. Physical pain was easier. Much better than an invisible wound. He slammed his fist down again and again until he felt the knuckles break. He didn't scream or cry out when it happened. He just nodded. He grabbed the picture with his other hand and threw it across the room. The frame snapped and the glass shattered. It was an old type of photograph so the gloss paper with Ashley fell free and onto the floor. He went, crumpled it up and threw it into the trash bin but missed. He went into the elevator and down to the port observatory. The pain in his knuckles urged Shepard to the medical wing but he dismissed it for now. He wanted a drink. Or two or three. He entered and saw that the room was empty. He went to the bar and pulled various alcoholic beverages from the shelves. He didn't care what was in the containers so long as it could make him forget.

"Blah, blah wine! Human. 1900 vintage remake. Expensive," he said to himself pouring a glass of red wine, "Down the hatch!"

He began drinking. The wine was gone in a manner of five minutes. He let it do its work. He felt slightly dizzy but Shepard was famous for more than just saving the galaxy. He knew how to hold his liquor and could drink a krogan under the table.

"Turian whiskey!" he announced to an invisible crowd, "Human warning, likely to increase chances of alcohol poisoning by forty-seven percent! Sounds good!"

He drank straight from the bottle, the liquid burning all the way down his throat. He swore loudly and with a slight slur as it was emptied in minutes. He felt his emotions start to come to the surface.

"What happened to us, Ash?" he asked, "I thought we could do anything together!"

Human scotch disappeared next. The world began to spiral. He slapped his head and found his knuckles didn't hurt anymore.

"I'm drunk," he whispered then chuckled, "I haven't… fe-felt this w-w-way in years."

He heard the door open as he began undoing the cap to a brandy.

"Shepard?" said a voice behind him.

"Leave m-me alone!" he said, his words slurred.

"Shepard," the voice said again and a gentle hand was on his shoulder.

"M-m-might as well join me for a uh… uh… that one thing… n-n-nightcap? Or just a uh… regular drink? Screw it! Take a… s-s-seat!"

He began laughing hysterically. Miranda turned him around and placed her hands on his shoulders. It took him a few seconds to recognize her.

"H-how's it going Miss…" he hiccupped and burped quietly, "M-m-miss Perfect?"

She showed legitemate concern. Her eyes looking at what he'd done to the stocks.

"Shepard, you've had enough I think," she said.

"No way!" he shouted, "I won't s-s-stop until there's….nothing left or she's outta my head!"

He tapped his head with his broken hand. Miranda gasped slightly as she saw what shape his hand was in.

"What did you do?" she asked.

"I… uh… forget. Guess I beat that table up…. Goooooooooood!"

He laughed and cried at the same time. Miranda shook her head. She was truly sad for him. He was a wreck. More so than she believed at first. She put his arm over her shoulder.

"Come on," she cooed, "Let's get your hand fixed okay?"

"Can I bring my drink?" he asked grabbing an empty bottle.

"Sure," she said, knowing it was empty.

"I'll b-b-be sure to save you a drink!" he shouted through laughs.

The commotion he caused was at first embarrassing as the crew watched her escort their commander to the med-bay, but she brushed it off knowing how hurt Shepard was. Physically and emotionally. She set him on a bed. Chakwas wasn't there. He was having some kind of giggle fit.

"What's so funny?" she asked slightly amused by this.

"I'm s-so stupid for believing it would…last," he said after giggling.

She stroked a strand of hair from his face. This man was truly hurting and he was drinking it all away. He wasn't going to be in shape for any mission anytime soon.

"Just wait here okay?" Miranda said.

"Sure thing… Miss Perfect!" he said and turned to his side.

It kind of hurt her to hear him call her that but he was drunk. But then again he probably meant what he was saying. She watched him take a swig from the empty bottle and wipe away the invisible drink. As she walked away her heart broke. Commander Shepard, hero of the Citadel, Savior of the Galaxy, began to weep quietly. Trying to conceal his sobs he turned his back to the door and her. Before she left, wiping a tear from her own eye, she heard him whispering apologies and heard him repeatedly say, "I loved you."

Miranda returned to her desk. She turned on her computer and at first wrote a report of the events on Horizon. She left out the details of Ashley and Shepard saying that Shepard was affected by seeing what was happening to colonies. She knew the Illusive Man tuned into the bugs located in Shepard's cabin. She knew that something had happened there. She sent the report and turned on the bugs. She rewound the footage and watched Shepard pace. She was further saddened watching Shepard break his own hand then destroying, a photo of some sort. She switched cameras to the Med-Bay. Shepard sobbed for a few minutes then was still. His soft snores reached the camera's microphone. The bottle slipped from his grasp and shattered but he never woke. His drunken sleep dulled his senses. She sighed.

"Shepard… I want to help you," she whispered.

She watched him sleep for a few more seconds then cut the feed. She uploaded a virus to the cams in his cabin. She felt he deserved privacy. She wrote to the Illusive Man saying that the cams were malfunctioning and she'd have them up and running as soon as possible. He bought it.

Shepard woke up the next day. His head felt like a sledgehammer had hit him full force. He cursed silently.

"Night of debauchery, Commander?" Chakwas asked.

"Hm? You could say that," he answered.

"Want to tell me what happened to your hand?" she asked, "You didn't have that injury when you returned."

"I uh… must have damaged it during my party," he lied.

"Alright," she said scanning his body with her omni-tool.

"Did you fix it?" he asked ignoring his headache.

"The hand? Should be fine now," she said, "Just be sure to be a bit more careful when you get into a fight with a table or something."

She smiled and he gave a weak chuckle. She helped stand him up.

"You're free to go," she said.

"Thanks, doc."

He left rubbing his temples. The day was going to suck. He took an elevator to his cabin.

"Joker, I don't want to be disturbed," he said over the comm.

"Gonna sleep off that nasty hangover?" Joker laughed.

"Yup. Now, please, for the sake of our friendship, no disturbances."

"Yes sir," Joker said laughing.

Shepard sprawled out onto the bed. He let out a groan as his head swam.

"Big mistake, Eli," he told himself, "Big mistake."

He let his head gently rest on the pillow. He groaned again as he rubbed the corners of his head. He felt a stir in his gut and knew what was coming next. He rushed to the bathroom and violently vomited into the toilet. His vomiting lasted three minutes before he decided to lay on the cold floor. He liked how cold it was.

"Shepard?" a voice came over the cabin's P.A.

"What?" he growled.

"May I come up?" asked an Australian accented voice.

"Miss Lawson… I would really like some peace and quiet right now."

"Please?" she asked. Something about the way she said that made him wonder. He knew about last night's events. Sort of. He didn't want to be scolded but something in the way she said please told him that she just wanted to talk or help or… something. He paused as he quickly puked.

"Um… are you sure you wanna be up here right now?" he asked with a burp.

"Yeah," she answered.

He ignored the horrible feeling of his stomach lurching and said, "Alright. Come on up."


	3. Chapter 3

This chapter is Miranda trying to gain Shepard's trust. Dialogue galore. Please, please, please review and enjoy. The support so far has been amazing so don't hesitate to either leave a review or send a Message my way. Be sure to fav if you enjoy my work :D

Chapter 3: Concern, Trust, and Alcohol Poisoning

Shepard sat beside the toilet feeling terrible. He didn't know why he had let her come up, especially in his sorry state but there was nothing he could do about it now. He waited for Miranda to come up and waited for another round of vomit as well.

"Shepard?" came a soft call.

"In… oh God… in here!" he said leaning against the toilet.

"Hey," she said.

He avoided the look of concern and stared at the water in the bowl.

"Hi," he replied.

"Not feeling well?"

"Was it really that obvious?" he said sarcastically.

She stood just inside the doorway. She watched the man who's world was crumbling around him, vomit briefly into the toilet then flush. He wiped some puke from the corner of his lip and groaned. She wasn't repulsed or disgusted. Rather just, felt sorry for him.

"You went at it pretty hard last night," she said.

"Yeah, I can't really remember how many I had though."

"About four bottles of various beverages," she lightly joked.

"Yeah," he burped, "Ugh! Don't remind me."

"Sorry."

He rested the side of his face against the bowl as it was very cool. Miranda stepped inside and sat, propped up against the door. Now on his level she looked into his eyes and saw so much sadness. So much pain.

"Do you… want to talk about it?" she asked.

"Talk about what?" he asked like he had no idea what she was talking about.

"You know. What happened," her eyes looked like she genuinely meant to help but Shepard never let his guard down. Not even for a pretty face.

"Not much to tell," he said as he heaved up dry, raspy breaths.

"Breath Shepard!" she said noticing him locking up in a state of dry heaves.

He breathed in as if he surfaced from an ocean after being beneath the water too long.

"I… would you get me some water? Please," Shepard said.

She nodded and dashed to the bar and got him his drink. He took slow drinks. Leaning his head against the bowl again he looked at her. She was perfect… looking anyway. He still didn't trust her and she knew it.

"Look Shepard, I want to help," she said staring at the tiled floor, slightly embarrassed.

"Why?" Shepard questioned, "What's it to you anyway?"

Because… I care, she thought to herself.

"Because you can't go on like this," she said.

"Yeah… I know," he said.

"So… so talk to me," she tried again.

"You saw what happened," he said, slightly angered, "The only person I ever, loved, ever truly trusted, tossed me aside. Just like that."

"You don't trust easily," Miranda said.

"Neither do you," Shepard replied.

"And for good reason," she said.

"Same here," he replied.

A few minutes of silence passed before Shepard puked again. Miranda pulled her legs into her chest and rested her chin against her knees.

"Look Shepard," she said, "I know it may sound… weird but… you can trust me."

He almost laughed but instead vomited again. He cursed quietly. He pondered the previous statement for a few moments before speaking.

"You first," he said.

"What?"

"You tell me something first," he said, "You trust me with something and I'll give you some info in return."

"I… don't know, Shepard," she said.

"It's a fair trade," he shrugged.

"Yeah… ok. Alright," she agreed.

"Really?" he said surprised.

"Sure."

"Um… I didn't really expect you to agree," he said, "I don't uh… really know what to ask."

"My real name is Miranda Lawson," she joked.

He chuckled softly.

"Well I didn't expect you to lie about your true name," he said, "Okay. Um… family? Have any family?"

Miranda hesitated. She didn't know if this was meant to be shared but she wanted to help Shepard. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to tell someone about herself.

"Yes," she said, "I have a sister. Oriana. And a… a um… a father."

"What's your dad like?" Shepard asked.

Miranda hesitated and felt tears stinging her eyes. She didn't want to tell him about her father. That piece of history was… personal. Shepard saw her begin to tear up and suspected something more than just a bad relationship.

"Hey… look, um… you don't have to tell me anything about that. We all have something in our past that isn't easy sharing," Shepard said with a gentle tone.

"Yeah," she agreed wiping her eyes quickly, "Thanks."

"Sure…"

They sat in silence for a while. Shepard occasionally would puke again but it seemed to be lessening.

"How come you only trusted… Ashley?" Miranda asked.

"We…" he began but stopped. Hesitant he drank for the water bottle again thinking over his answer.

"We um… went through a lot together," he said simply.

"I suspected that much," Miranda said.

"Well I… don't know. There was something about her. Her openness with me. She wasn't scared to talk to me about things or speak her mind. She was… something else."

Shepard smiled remembering their shared experiences. When he snapped to reality all he saw was the Cerberus operative who didn't understand him.

"Sounds like an… amazing girl," Miranda said watching Shepard.

"Yeah. And now… she's gone."

"I'm sorry," Miranda said gently.

The commander shrugged.

"That's what the alcohols for…"

"Shepard…" Miranda said sadly.

"Look I appreciate your… concern or whatever it is your trying to do but I'm okay," he said firmly.

"I AM concerned Shepard. You need help. You need…"

"What?" he became angry now, "What do I need?"

Miranda stayed silent. Shepard cursed loudly and puked. He stood up shakily after flushing and tried to steady himself.

"Shepard you need someone you can trust," Miranda said.

"This coming from someone who I don't trust?" Shepard said through gritted teeth.

"I…"

"I tried trusting! I trusted Ashley and look what happened. Kicked to the curb after… after fighting to get back to her!"

Miranda stood up and followed the man out of the restroom. He began pacing in front of the bed.

"Shepard I only…."

"And my parents! I trusted them too!"

Bitter and angry tears streamed down his face. He swore loudly and it made Miranda jump.

"I trusted that they would be there for me. That they would help me."

Miranda knew that there was more about the commander than the façade he had. She knew there was something that was always nagging at him and now he was letting it all out.

"I loved them. I trusted them! But they let me down. They… THEY DIED AND ITS MY FAULT! I COULDN'T PROTECT THEM! I WASN'T STRONG ENOUGH!"

Shepard slammed a fist into the wall. Miranda was worried he would re-break his hand again.

"It… wasn't about you trusting them was it? It's that they trusted you," Miranda almost whispered.

Shepard slumped onto the floor and let out a soft moan. Miranda didn't know what to do. She just… reacted. She sat beside him and held him. His sobs racking his body. She whispered, "sh," again and again.

"I want to help, Shepard," she whispered.

"I'm… I'm sorry," he said.

"It's okay," she said.

"No," he said and pulled away. His eyes were puffy, red, embarrassed and angry, "I think its best if you go."

She tried to hide the hurt of those words. She picked herself up off the floor. She walked to the door and saw Shepard leaning against the wall and staring off into space.

"Shepard…"

"Just…go," he said firmly.

She dismissed the urge to cry or be angry with him. She calmly and professionally walked out, leaving a bitter Shepard alone. He sat there for a few hours more brewing his sadness and rage.

"What was her goal?" he asked to himself.

Maybe she is trying to get the Illusive Man to kick me off the team or get proof that I'm unfit for duty, he thought.

Or maybe she actually cares, a voice in his head said.

"No," he said aloud, "No. That's not it…"

I don't know. She DID open up to you a little bit. She did stick around to talk even though you puked your brains out.

"Yeah, but…"

You can't deny she is concerned. The look in her eyes is all the proof you need.

Shepard sighed and flopped onto the bed.

"Yeah… I guess," he mumbled into the mattress.

Just talk to her. Who knows? Maybe she'll open up a bit more with you then.

"Right."

Shepard wondered how much of his past really affected him. His parents always plagued his mind and he was sure that their death was the prime reason for all of his anger. He looked up through the window in his room's ceiling and looked at the stars and the abyss.

"I'm sorry," he began to sob, "I'm so sorry."

Crying himself into slumber Shepard made his mind up to talk to Miranda tomorrow.


	4. Chapter 4

Not my best chapter but I have been busy lately and have been feeling very exhausted with school around the bend. Review, and enjoy.

Chapter 4: A Mission and Concern

Shepard stood outside of the office door for what felt like an eternity. He wanted to go in but felt stupid about last night. Blowing up like he did and then asking her to leave. He lifted a hand to knock, then placed it into his pocket. He did this several times before the door opened and there she stood.

"Oh! Shepard," she said, "You startled me."

"Yeah, sorry about that," he muttered staring at his boots.

"Something up?" she asked.

"Yeah uh…."

Come on Eli, he thought, just apologize and thank her for her help. Do something.

"Commander," Joker's voice came over the P.A. "We've arrived. Alliance ships have crashed here and there's valuable resources on the ground."

"Alright, Joker," Shepard replied, "I'll have a team assembled and have boots on the ground in five."

"Yes sir!"

"Shall we talk later?" Miranda asked.

"Uh… yes. Er… no. I want you with me on this one," Shepard said.

"Alright," she said, "I'll wait in the armory."

Shepard nodded. He watched her walk off. The way her hips moved as she…

"Snap out of it," he told himself.

Garrus saw Shepard from the kitchen and laughed as the spectre came over.

"What are you laughing about?" Shepard asked.

"What? Oh, nothing, nothing," Garrus replied stifling his laughter.

"Grab you gear," Shepard said, "You're coming too."

"Alright," Garrus said.

The shuttle dropped the three off. It was unusually quiet. The ruins of ships were… unnerving. Shepard began to check a crash of an Alliance dreadnought hoping for any resources that would help. He heard something then. He signaled Miranda and Garrus to stay silent. He listened again. All was quiet.

"Commander?" Miranda said.

"Sh!" he whispered.

The silence was unbearable. Shepard knew he heard something. Something… alive. He gripped the assault rifle harder and harder with each passing second. Then Miranda screamed. Gunfire began opening up on them as mercenaries charged. Miranda fell to the ground holding her leg. Blood covered her hands and stained the white of her suit.

"Garrus suppress them!" Shepard ordered.

Garrus opened up on the mercenaries and scavengers. They ducked behind cover and didn't dare peek out. Shepard ran to Miranda who was trying to stop the bleeding. He picked her up, his hands covered in her blood now. She was groaning and cursing. Shepard set her down behind cover.

"Miranda?" his concern moved her, "I need to get a look at the wound okay?"

She shook her head, "I'll be fine."

"Miranda. Please. We can't risk infection or a bleed out. Move your hands."

"I… I'll be fine!"

Shepard grabbed her hands with a surprising gentleness. He gazed into her eyes and reassured her that he would help. She let him remove her hands from the wound. A four-inch hole had completely punctured her thigh. Shepard had seen worse but the wound was bad.

"It hurts," she groaned.

"I know. Hold on."

Shepard quickly applied Medigel to prevent infection. The bleeding however would not stop on its own.

"Do you trust me?" Shepard asked.

"Huh?" she was puzzled.

"Do you trust me?"

That was something she was unsure of. She trusted him, to a point, but not completely. She just wanted the blood to stop.

"Just do what you need to," she said.

Immediately he stripped off a piece of her sleeve. At first she was scared of what was going on but as he tightened the makeshift bandage around the wound she understood. He put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a smile. She watched in awe as he picked his gun up and began firing at their enemies.

"Joker! We need immediate evac!" Shepard shouted, "Miranda is wounded and we need to get her medical attention now! The place is crawling with scavengers and mercs. There's nothing for us here!"

"Help is coming!"

The next moments were a blur to Miranda. The blood loss made her dizzy and her leg throbbed intensely. She remembered Shepard picking her up gently and taking her to the shuttle. She remembered him taking her to the medical wing. To Chakwas. Guess they were even now.

Miranda's eyes fluttered open. Shepard was leaning against the wall watching over her.

"Hey," he said.

"Hey."

"Had me worried there," he said, "That got hairy quick."

"No kidding," she said.

Had him worried? That was surprising to say the least. After last night she wasn't sure what he thought of her.

"Look, I wanted to apologize," he said staring at a spot on the wall.

"What for?" she groaned as her leg pained her.

He made a move to go help her but thought better of it and leaned again.

"For… ya know. Yelling in your face. It wasn't right to blow up. You were trying to help and I know that."

"It's alright Shepard," she said, "I shouldn't have prodded so much."

"I'm glad you did though," he said, "I realized that I still have things in my past that need to be dealt with. It's just… hard. I'm sorry."

She smiled.

"And look I uh… also want to thank you for your concern. It… means a lot."

"Yeah, sure," she said staring at the floor, sitting up now.

They were silent for a while. An awkwardness had settled in the air and neither of them knew what to say or do next.

"Um… I want you to know that if… if you, ya know… need something…"

He stopped the sentence and smiled slightly at her. She nodded with understanding. He walked out of the room but stayed long enough to say, "I'll talk to you later?"

"Sounds good," she said and lay back down on the cot.

Her mind was swimming. Shepard had saved her. And he was thankful for last night? She realized she felt something for the man but was unsure what level her feelings for him were at. At least now, she felt like she could trust him. She settled into an easy sleep and dreamt of Shepard, savior of the galaxy, saving her. She smiled in her sleep.


	5. Chapter 5

This is a quick update on what is going on. I won't be able to update as much now. School is coming and I have been getting swamped at work. And I am now working very hard on a book that I have been wanting to work on. So patience will be required between updates. Thank you all for your amazing support and kind words. I'll do my best to bring as much content to you as I can.

Chapter 5: Miranda's Request

Shepard sat in the lounge, a whiskey glass empty and begging to be filled, at his fingertips. Shepard read the report from the Illusive Man.

"After monitoring and reading reports of your behavior I have decided to let you continue to lead however you will be monitored closely by certain Cerberus operatives."

Shepard filled the glass and downed the drink. He wondered what was going on. What was being said about him? And by whom? He stopped after his third drink and went hurriedly to Miranda's office. He entered without knocking.

"Shepard?" Miranda said, "How can I help you?"

"Wanna tell me what this is?" he asked angrily chucking the data file on her desk.

She quickly read through it, eyes widening.

"I don't understand," she said.

"What have you been telling him?" Shepard ordered.

"Nothing that would put your leadership into question. I swear!"

"Then who?" he demanded.

She shook her head.

"Drunkenness on duty. Destructive behavior. Leadership is questionable? How is he being informed?"

"I don't know," she said.

He cursed and punched the wall. Miranda was next to him then her hand placed gently on his shoulder.

"Hey, talk to me," she said, "What's bothering you?"

"You… you know what's bothering me," he whispered.

"Her?" she asked simply.

He blinked several times and swallowed, "Yeah."

"Talk to me."

"You… you wouldn't understand."

"Try me. I want to help."

"I know," he said and he felt her hand resting softly on his clenched fist, "It's… something I need to deal with… myself."

Miranda nodded, slightly hurt, and returned to her desk. She understood him. More than he knew. She began typing away. Shepard sat on a nearby chair.

"It's nothing personal, Miranda," he said.

"I know," she said defensively, "I just don't want you to be hurting or under this kind of stress when so much depends on you."

"You and me both," he replied.

They sat in silence besides the Cerberus operative's typing.

"So…" Shepard said, "May I ask you a personal question?"

She smiled, "Depends."

"Did you have any… ya know, boyfriends?" he asked.

"Why?" she smiled looking at him.

"Well I feel it's only fair since you know about my one and only," he said, "I think I should know about one of yours. Besides Jacob."

"Oh?" she asked with a chuckle, "And what makes you think there were others?"

"Look at you! When you look like you do there's always more!" he smiled and laughed.

She liked that smile. Something very rare to her. And was that a compliment? She looked at him with intrigue. That smile that was only shown when happy or joking. The other smiles were only facades, a show for the others. She nodded.

"Alright then," she said, "His name was Adam. Someone who was with me during my training with Cerberus."

"Was he nice?"

"Very. He was kind and generous. Held the door open," she said.

"Held the door open?" Shepard asked.

"He was a gentlemen."

"And holding the door defines a gentlemen?" Shepard laughed.

"Well it's a nice thing to do," she laughed.

"What else about him?" Shepard asked.

"Well... he was a great kisser," she said.

"Oh?" Shepard asked slightly jealous, but only slightly.

"Yes," she said noticing his unhappy expression, "Does that make you jealous?"

"What?"

She laughed and he smiled. Something about Miranda made him feel like he had nothing to worry about. That laughing and being happy was still in him. Miranda continued typing away.

"What happened to him?"

She frowned slightly, "He was interested in more than I could give. I had a whole career ahead of me. He wanted to… settle down."

"Was that so bad?"

She stopped working and looked down at her desk, thinking.

"I'm… not the settle down type," she said plainly.

"Well that much seems obvious," Shepard joked, "But what happened?"

"I promoted up the ranks… he stayed behind and took a job as a scientist. He asked me to come with him. To stay."

"Then?"

She looked at him with a sad expression on her face, "That's it. He wanted to settle down and start a family and I wanted to pursue other things."

"I see," Shepard said, knowing that he should probably leave it alone at this point.

"I'm not like… most women," Miranda said and explained her genetic tailoring by her father. How he wanted a dynasty. How she escaped from him and took her sister away with her.

"Wow," Shepard said, "I'm… wow. Why did you tell me all that?"

"Because… It's been nagging at me for a long time and you seem… trustworthy," she said, a sad smile on her face.

"Thank you," Shepard said sincerely.

She only nodded and returned to work. Shepard stood knowing that that was his cue to leave. He took one last glance back and saw Miranda put her head in her hands. As if she was remembering something that she didn't want to remember. Shepard sighed and left. Perhaps he overstepped his bounds.

Miranda fought off emotions she hadn't experienced in a long time. Remembering Adam was not pleasant. He was everything she wanted but he wanted a family. He wanted something she couldn't give. And when he had gotten on one knee that day she ran. She ran hard and fast. Away from him. And any possible future to be truly happy.

"Shepard?" she looked up. But he was gone. She opened up her email and saw a message titled "URGENT!" She opened it and read. Her horror was written on her face.

"Oriana…" she whispered.

Shepard was in the lounge again with Kenneth Donnelly, Garrus, and Mass Sergeant Gardner. Cards in each of their hands.

"Crazy to see you out of the kitchen Gardner," Donnelly said.

"Yeah? Crazy to see you out of the engineering hole there," Gardner replied.

"Enough talk," Shepard said, "This one's an old favorite. Texas Hold 'Em!"

Shepard dealt cards.

"What's Texas Hold 'Em?" Garrus asked.

"Old human poker game," Gardner said.

"I'm familiar with it," Donnelly said, "Though I'd much rather play Skyllian Five!"

"Shut up and play," Gardner and Shepard said in unison.

"What's Texas?" Garrus asked.

"Well… back a looooong time ago…" Donnelly began.

The door opened and Miranda entered. Her eyes were puffy and frightened.

"Shepard may I speak with you? Please," she said, her voice shaking.

Shepard immediately recognized her distress. He set his cards down.

"Pocket aces!?" Donnelly shouted as he peaked at Shepard's cards.

"Rotten cheat," Gardner said.

"I still have no clue what this game is and why its called Texas," Garrus said, "What is a Texas?"

Shepard left the room with Miranda shuffling behind him. Crewmembers were swarming the dining area. Shepard wanted them to have privacy and not have anyone notice Miranda's distress. He punched the elevator's call button. Miranda was staring at the ground. Her shoulders were shaking with each uneasy breath she took.

"Come on!' Shepard growled at the elevator.

Miranda gasped, slightly frightened by his outburst.

"Sorry," he muttered as the doors opened. They stood there, awkwardly, as the elevator rose to Shepard's cabin. They stepped out. Shepard set Miranda down on the couch.

"What's wrong," he said sitting on the table in front of her.

"Remember…" she began, "Remember when you said… if I needed something…"

"You can come to me," Shepard finished.

"Yes," she said shakily, "I am in the… uncomfortable position of… asking for your help."

"What's wrong?"

"It's… my sister. She's in danger."

"From who?"

"My father."

"Okay."

"Shepard… please… I NEED your help."

He took her hands in his and gazed into her eyes. His eyes spoke assurances.

"Then let's go get her," he said.


	6. Chapter 6

Authors note: I'm baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaack! Oh jeez, I am sorry to those who have followed this story and have not received updates. It has been a very long absence. Work, school. But who gives a crap when you get to read a long awaited chapter? If you care that is. Leave reviews and be sure to check out my other works. Enjoy! Takes place during the loyalty mission.

Chapter 6: Oriana

Shepard watched Miranda intently. Her rage increased with each floor the elevator passed. She slammed a fist into the control panel.

"Can't this thing go any faster?" she yelled.

"Miranda," Shepard said in a firm tone, "I need you to stay focused. We have no clue what's going to happen when these doors open. Be prepared."

"I'm ready for anything Shepard. Leave me alone!" she snapped back.

Shepard hit one of the buttons that would take them to the floor before their objective.

"What are you doing?" Miranda asked harshly.

The elevator beeped and opened revealing an empty cargo floor. Shepard grabbed Miranda's arm and led her into the vacant floor. The elevator closed behind them.

"Shepard-" Miranda began.

"Listen to me right now, Lawson," Shepard interrupted through gritted teeth.

Miranda glared at him. They were wasting time. Oriana was in danger.

"I need you focused. You're throwing yourself in harm's way. You're not immortal Miranda. I need you to calm down. Understand?"

Miranda looked into the commander's eyes. His gaze was gentle and soothing. His features were stern but his eyes... Something in the way he looked at her….

"Alright," she answered now staring at the floor.

"Hey," he said lifting her chin up with two fingers so he could look at her, "We're going to save her. Alright? Promise."

He then winked at her with a half smile. He hit the elevator button again and soon the doors opened up. They stepped in. The doors slowly closed and Shepard mentally prepared himself for anything that could be on the next floor. His assault rifle was prepped with a fresh clip. Miranda's pistol was already in her tightly clenched hand. Ding! They stepped through the doors.

An asari mercenary aimed her shotgun at them. Her followers followed her lead. One citizen stood there next to the asari.

"Niket?" Miranda asked.

"Miri…" he said.

"Oh this should be fun," the asari said.

Miranda just stared at the man. Her weapon pointed straight at him. Shepard counted five mercenaries besides the asari leader.

"Niket… you sold me out," Miranda said.

"Miranda keep a cool head," Shepard whispered.

"I want answers!" Miranda shouted, "Why Niket? You were my friend! Did that mean nothing to you? You helped me escape my father."

"Yes," retorted Niket, "because you wanted to leave! But… but if I had known you had stolen a baby-"

"I rescued her!" Miranda interrupted.

"From a life of wealth? Happiness? You weren't' saving her! You were just getting back at your father!"

"Relocating Oriana won't do any good if your father knows where she is, Miranda," Shepard said.

"He has no information regarding her whereabouts," Niket responded, "Not yet. I'm the only one who knows anything."

"Which means you're the only loose end," Miranda said feeling tears welling up inside her, "This isn't how I wanted it to end. I'm sorry. I'll.. I'll miss you Niket."

Shepard redirected her gun to the ceiling as soon as she pulled the trigger.

"Miranda! You don't want to do this!"

"Shepard, it must end here," Miranda said, "Or else my father will keep looking for her."

Shepard looked at Niket.

"Maybe he can help. Tell your father we made it here first?"

"I'll tell him that you hid her. That I don't know where she is," Niket said quickly.

"I never want to see you again," Miranda said to him.

Before they knew it the asari fired her shotgun at Niket. His lifeless body flew a few feet like a ragdoll. He was dead before he hit the floor. Miranda's body glowed blue as she slammed the asari with her biotics.

"You'll die for that, bitch!" she screamed.

Hell broke loose. Shepard dove for cover as Miranda opened fire on the asari's followers. Her own disregard for her safety made Shepard leap from cover and lay down a barrage of gunfire. Miranda snapped out her rage-induced frenzy. She ducked beneath a couple steel crates near Shepard. Shepard returned to cover slapping a new magazine into his rifle. Miranda noticed a bullet wound in Shepard's right shoulder.

"Miranda! I need you focused. I counted six including the asari." Shepard was yelling over the gunfire.

She nodded and leaned out from cover. She used her biotics to push one mercenary over a railing. The mercenary screamed all the way down the massive drop until his screams stopped as he hit the bottom. Shepard took aim and fired at another mercenary. The mercenary fell dead after three well aimed bullets to the chest took his life.

"Four left!" Shepard shouted.

"Two," Miranda shouted as she ducked back into cover and reloading.

The asari leader took advantage of an opening and lifted Shepard with her biotics. She was completely immobilized in mid air.

"Shepard!" Miranda yelled.

She fired one shot at the last mercenary follower who fell dead in a crumpled heap. Miranda then rushed at the asari who flung Shepard into a wall. A sickening crack came from Shepard's body as he fell to the floor. Miranda tackled the asari. With the advantage Miranda began pummeling the asari with close quarters biotics. Blood gushed from the asari's mouth as she was repeatedly hit in the gut. The asari then used her own biotics to throw Miranda off her. disarmed and disorientated Miranda stayed on the ground. The asari soon turned her over onto her back. She was face to face with the asari's shotgun.

"Guess who's dying now… bitch?" the asari spat.

A loud bang echoed throughout the cargo area. The asari fell dead. One bullet had entered and exited both sides of her head. Shepard went to Miranda.

"Hey!" he said with a groan, nursing a broken right arm.

He held out his left hand and she took it. Pulling her up Shepard winced.

"Shepard…" Miranda said looking over his injuries.

A broken arm, bullet wounds to the right shoulder and in his leg.

"I'm fine," he said.

"You are not, shut up," she said.

She forced him to sit down. She began applying medigel to his wounds.

"I'm sorry," she said.

"For what?"

"If I had just done what you asked you wouldn't have gotten shot," she said.

"They had some good aim. Not your fault."

"Shepard, please. It's my fault."

Shepard grunted as the medigel was pressed into his leg.

"Listen Miranda," Shepard said, "There's nothing to forgive."

"Shep-"

"Sh."

Miranda then noticed that he face was dangerously close to his. Their eyes locked. Both of them searched the other. Shepard felt something for this woman. Something that he thought died on Horizon. He knew he cared about this woman, but he wasn't willing to go through it all again. Not if it meant a road that only led to pain. He turned his head to look at his leg.

"We good?" he asked simply.

Miranda blinked twice and realized that he had asked her a question.

"Y-yeah," she said.

She helped him up and together they walked back to the elevator. After their return to the main part of Illium they stood together watching the crowds. Miranda felt something for Shepard and she knew it. However the cost of beginning to have feelings for this man was too much risk for her.

"Look, Shepard," she began awkwardly, "about… ya know. What happened back there. I thought…"

"Miranda can we talk later?" Shepard said, "Let's just look for Oriana."

She nodded. Shepard cursed himself mentally. He didn't mean to come off as rude as he had just been but he knew that he didn't want to experience another heartbreak like Ashley. Not again.

_Never again _he thought.

Miranda scanned the crowds. Then her eyes spotted a woman. Beautiful and graceful. She stood confidently. Oriana.

"Look," she said almost whispering, "It's… it's her. She's safe. With her family."

Miranda felt a tear slide down he cheek. Shepard looked at Miranda.

"Aren't you going to go say hello?" he asked.

Miranda hesitated. She desperately wanted to.

"No… Shepard. She's safe… and… and that's good enough for me."

"Come on," Shepard said, "Where's the harm in it? Don't you want to meet her? Go and at least let her know that she has a sister who loves and cares about her."

Miranda stood there watching Oriana. Her head spun with debate. Whether or not to go. She took a hesitant step forward.

"I… okay," she said.

Shepard turned to go.

"Shepard," Miranda said, "Will you… come with me?"

Shepard was now rooted to the spot. He turned to face her. he forced a smile.

"You don't need me," he said, "Go on. I'll wait for you on the Normandy. I need to go get this arm checked out."

She nodded and then smiled at him. She watched him slowly walk to the docking area. She turned back to where Oriana was and taking a deep breath she walked confidently up to her sister.

Shepard walked out of the Normandy's medical bay. His arm had been patched up faster than he thought was possible. He heard the P.A. system turn on and Joker's voice.

"Commander? Operative Lawson is back on board. We're awaiting your orders."

"We'll leave in a couple days. Relax and have some shore leave, Joker," Shepard said.

"Don't have to tell me twice sir!" Joker said happily.

Shepard took the elevator up to his cabin. He wanted rest. He flopped onto his bed and shut his eyes. Ashley began to creep into his mind. His heart began to ache again. Then he thought of Miranda. Her beauty, her kindness, everything she had done to help him cope with the pain. He swore loudly. He felt something for Miranda.

"No," he moaned, "No, no, no! I don't want to go through it again."

He loved Ashley. And to some degree still did. But Miranda…

"No!"

He forced her out of his head. Forced everything about Miranda out of his thoughts. He clung to a small fantasy that Ashley would come back. Though he knew she wouldn't. Shepard got up and scrounged up some liquor from a cabinet. He promised not to get slobbering drunk, only enough to diminish the thoughts of Ashley and Miranda. Only enough to sleep in peace.

"The great Commander Shepard," he announced downing some of the drink, "A man without weakness. Yeah! What a load of bull!"

Soon after a few more gulps he was fast asleep.

A/N: Hope you like. more chapters will be posted soon. Sorry for the longest wait ever. Please, please, please leave a review or PM me or whatever. Love hearing from everyone. The next chapter will be both Miranda and Shepard combatting the feelings they know (but constantly try to push away) they have for each other. Check out my other stories. And again I'm Back!


	7. Chapter 7

Authors note: Short chapter of a post loyalty mission conversation. Enjoy. Leave reviews :)

Chapter 7: A Brief Moment

Shepard's injuries were healing nicely, though he had a slight limp when he walked. An occasional grunt of pain would escape his lips but he made sure no one was around to hear that. Shepard stood outside of Miranda's office. He hesitated. What was left to say? He did not know but felt like they should speak. Debrief about what had happened. He knocked.

"Come in," Miranda's voice came from within.

The door opened and Shepard entered. Miranda's eyes widened in surprise and… what? Happiness, excitement? She stood up in greeting. Shepard limped forward a little more before saying, "Mind if I sit?" indicating a chair off to his left.

"Of course!' she nodded and sat down across from him.

Shepard winced quickly, but not quick enough as Miranda took quiet notice.

"I thought I'd check in," Shepard said, "See how you are."

"Great," she said.

"Oriana?"

"She's safe."

"Good."

There was a moment of long silence.

"Shepard," Miranda said almost in a whisper.

"Yeah?"

"I want to thank you again. For what you did."

"Don't mention it," Shepard said staring at the floor.

"No really," she said, "It means… it means so much."

Shepard looked at her and saw her eyes glistening with emotions. Happiness, gratitude. He nodded. She shook her head and wiped her eyes.

"Sorry," she said with a frustrated laugh, "No idea where those came from."

Shepard stood and said, "I can come back later."

She was up in an instant. Her hand on his chest. She immediately removed it.

"Look, Miranda," Shepard said seeing through her, "I understand that your grateful… but…"

"Shepard look it's hard for me to communicate this kind of stuff and I just… look I'm sorry. I… I trust you Shepard. You're a great leader and I promise to be in the line of fire with you."

"Thanks," Shepard said, "Listen I came to check on you and see if you're good. So if we're good…"

He knew how cold he sounded. How he always was brushing her off. It hurt her and he knew it.

_Come on Shepard. Let Ash go. Stop being such a-_

"I understand, Commander. Perhaps we can talk later? I have some work that is piling up."

He nodded and limped out. Miranda watched him go. She sat at her computer head in her hands.

"What the hell Miri?" she asked herself.

He was her commander. She felt like she was trying so hard to get his attention. It was so obvious she felt something for him. And it was also apparent how badly Ashley Williams had hurt him. She sighed.

"Stop it, Lawson," she said, "Feelings would only jeopardize things."

But how he had helped her without even a moment's hesitation. How he had taken wounds for her. How he had looked at her during the mission.

"Stop it, Miranda!"

She then did everything in her power to replace thoughts of Shepard with reports and mission updates. But every now and then his eyes, so filled with hurt, and the desire to trust again, would flash in her memory.


End file.
